I had a moment this past weekend and did something Solomon would call ʼivveleth (iv-veh’-leth) – foolishness, folly[1] – when I allowed myself to be stirred up by someone purposely trying to provoke me to feeling shame and guilt about living my life.
I allowed my emotions to get the better of my good judgment and lashed out in frustration when confronted with a passive aggressive note left on my dry erase board regarding my regard – or in this case, disregard – for family members.
And I should have paused and taken a moment to consider my next step. What would the wise choice have been? Probably to roll my eyes and erase the message and continue on with my self-imposed silence (as an act of grace).
What did I do? Not the wise thing.
See, I was overcome with emotions and became a perfect example of Proverbs 14:17 NIV[2] – “A quick-tempered person does foolish things ….”
Because I allowed my anger to lead me, I was quickly and effectively dragged into foolishly engaging in a battle that wasn’t worth fighting. With someone who only wanted to be able to say I was exactly the person he thinks I am … even though he has never met me or talked to me. He needed to prove he knew me despite these obvious facts, so he baited me … and I foolishly took the bait.
The next morning, with a more reasonable head not clouded by anger or anxiety, I had to talk to myself and ask myself why I bothered to pay attention at all to the nonsense in front of me. It was literally the self-righteous attempt of someone with no authority in my life trying to gain authority. And for a foolish moment, I allowed it.
But I’m better now. 🙂
Because I realized a simple truth – it isn’t worth the time and energy it takes to argue with a Pharisee when he is in a Pharisee state of mind.
It is the example Jesus set. Time after time in the gospels, Jesus didn’t argue with the Pharisees or try to convince them He was right. He simply spoke His truth and continued His mission. One of the best examples is at the end of His life, when He was being convicted by the religious leaders with false testimony, and He refused to argue or defend Himself.
Because Jesus knew the heart of these men who feared Him most. These religious leaders who interpreted God’s law for the common people, creating the rules of their society and then enforcing those rules. These men who became part of “the Jewish ruling council” (John 3:1) that helped form and guide the spirituality of the nation. Men, who in the prestige of such a position, became “confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else” (Luke 18:9) for failing to achieve the same holiness and “righteousness based on the law” (Philippians 3:6).
Pharisaîos (far-is-ah’-yos) – men who sought for distinction and praise by outward observance of external rites and by outward forms of piety, such as ceremonial washings, fastings, prayers, and alms giving. Men who were negligent of genuine piety because they prided themselves on their fancied good works … living lives full of avarice, ambition, hollow reliance on outward works, and affection of piety in order to gain popularity[3].
He knew these men based their goodness on the fact that “we have Abraham as our father” (Matthew 3:9, Mark 2:16), men who never doubted they were including in the promise and blessing of the Abrahamic covenant.
He knew these men condemned Him for being friends and eating “with tax collectors and sinners” (Matthew 9:11; Luke 5:30, 15:2), those deemed unworthy and unlovable by a society focused on status. They questioned “if this man were a prophet” (Luke 7:39), a true prophet from God, because if He were, then He would know better and therefore do better about the company He kept.
He knew these men considered Him to be a pawn of “the prince of demons” (Matthew 9:34, 12:24) instead of the Son of God because of the supernatural power He demonstrated and the divine authority with which He spoke.
He knew these men were more focused on all their rules for keeping the Sabbath and “holding to the tradition of the elders” (Mark 7:3) instead of helping their people – evidenced by them calling Jesus and His disciples out for doing “what is unlawful on the Sabbath” (Matthew 12:2, Mark 2:24, Luke 6:2) by healing those in need of healing.
He knew these men wanted to peirázō (pi-rad’-zo) Him – test or scrutinize His behavior and quality to prove His faith, virtue, and character [4] – in order “to accuse Jesus” (Luke 6:7) to discredit Him with the crowds and the apostles to make His popularity disappear (Matthew 16:1, 19:3; Mark 8:11, 10:2). They were jealous to see “how the whole world has gone after him” (John 12:19) to listen to and learn from Him, so they hoped “to trap Him in His words” (Matthew 22:15; Mark 12:13) and shame Him as “this fellow who speaks blasphemy” (Luke 5:21) to make Him look disloyal to the Jews and their God.
He knew these men were more concerned about their position and power – “you love the most important seats in the synagogues and respectful greetings in the marketplaces” (Luke 11:43) – than in the people God called them to care for. He knew they focused on the Law instead of love – “you have neglected … justice, mercy and faithfulness” (Matthew 23:23) and “the love of God” (Luke 11:42) – which resulted in them being a stumbling block to true faith: “You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to” (Matthew 23:13).
He knew these men “loved money” (Luke 16:14) and had a heart for authority and glory, that “inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence” (Matthew 23:25) and “wickedness” (Luke 11:39) “everything unclean” (Matthew 23:27) instead of reverence for God and respect for His people. They did not honor their calling to interpret God’s law or lead the people into proper worship of God. He calls them hupŏkritēs (hoop-ok-ree-tace’) – actors, hypocrites, pretenders[5] – at least seven times (in Matthew 23) to show the falseness of their righteousness.
He knew these men “plotted how they might” (Matthew 12:14) separate Him from the affections of the people because they lived “offended” (Matthew 15:12) and “furious” (Luke 6:11) at His compassion for the common people, which would cause them “to oppose him fiercely and to besiege him with questions” (Luke 11:53) as often as possible in public. They would not – and could not – see His truth because they were blinded by their zýmē (dzoo’-may) – mental and moral corruption[6] – of seeing themselves as better than everyone else – “I thank you that I am not like other people” (Luke 18:11).
He knew these men would “discuss with one another what they might do” (Luke 6:11) to “help” you change for the better, to be more like them … men who talk about you but who would never talk to you to improve the situation.
He knew these men “rejected God’s purpose for themselves” (Luke 7:30). They athetéō (ath-et-eh’-o) – set aside, neutralized, violated, cast off, despised, rejected, frustrated, voided, refused[7] – the blessing of God’s calling up their lives and the boulḗ (boo-lay’) – volition, purpose, counsel, will, advice[8] – the reason for God’s position of their lives. They lived by “hypocrisy” (Luke 12:1) of upholding God’s Law without actually living it out in true holiness themselves.
He knew these men controlled the people by “fear they would be put out of the synagogue” (John 12:42) if they dared to disagree with the teachings and traditions of the sect in their community, creating an unnatural spirituality that left many people feeling lost and hopeless.
These are several of the ways the gospels talk about the Pharisees, painting a picture of the type of men they were. And it is very clear that Jesus knew these men and what He was facing in every conversation and confrontation with them, and therefore He knew how to respond well – to speak His truth without allowing them to manipulate Him away from that truth.
Here is what I know in this moment: I know who God says I am, and I know I am working to be the best version of that person … to be a warrior who worships instead of wasting her opportunities to grow.
But no matter how far I have come in my faith, there is still a lot I can learn. I may know a lot, but I definitely don’t know it all. Not even close.
Because I didn’t respond well when the Pharisee came knocking – or actually writing – on my door.
I allowed myself to be drawn into a confrontation with a self-righteous person who does not know me yet felt the need to speak his truth – in the form of fear, shame, guilt, condemnation – to me. And I regretted returning fire, even if I was speaking my truth to do it.
Because you can’t reason with a Pharisee. You can’t reason with someone who is making up the rules as he goes to make himself look better in the eyes of others and feel better about his not-so-great choices. You can’t reason with someone who is seeking the admiration and applause of man instead of the approval of God. You can’t reason with someone who thinks he has no area where he needs to grow. You can’t reason with someone who lives by the letter of the law instead of the love behind it. You can’t reason with someone who is intent on judging you and criticizing you for what he thinks your motivations are instead of understanding you and knowing your true motivations. You can’t reason with someone who refuses to personally engage with you but instead cowers behind technology and white boards to communicate at you.
I won’t try to reason with this Pharisee who continues to show his true colors. But I will reason with myself and pray God gives me the strength to react appropriately. To not fuel a fiendish fire but encourage an accepting armistice … which allows them to live their lives in peace and asks them to do the same for me.
And I want to be something the Pharisees were not – forgiving. I want to forgive my Pharisee and all those around him encouraging his disrespectful and divisive behavior. I want to forgive completely and break the power of any evil influences trying to stir up self-righteousness and the need for self-defense. I want to forgive to open my heart to the possibilities of God’s grace, which can create a path of reconciliation and restoration to relationships currently broken. I want to forgive to allow God full access to my heart, my mind, my will, my words, and my emotions – so I can be motivated toward graciousness instead of grudges.
Father, without You I am a Pharisee at heart. With You, I can overcome all my tendencies to be all about me and what I think is great about me. Please help me release the control I feel I need to have to live my life to the fullest … which includes responding inappropriately and ineffectively to the Pharisees who come for me and my faith. Help me to love well when confronted by a Pharisee, speaking Your truth without being manipulated away from what I know is right. Help me, please, to be a good influence on the Pharisees in my life instead of them impacting me with the pettiness, phoniness, and pitilessness of religion. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!
[2] All verses are from the NIV, unless otherwise noted.
Marie Fremin. 10/7/21 and 10/9/21
Marie's Hope 