What does one do when she finds her heart slightly broken … knowing things turned out for the best, yet still sad to see a season end?
She refuses to lose heart!
She finds peace in this chapter of her story, knowing others paint her as the villain yet knowing it was the right thing to speak up.
She trusts God’s wisdom that spiritual forces were at work, weaving discord, and they needed to be addressed … though she stands alone in her belief.
She finds peace in knowing there is something better than the status quo and the figure of “fine” that is needed to keep people together.
She trusts God’s wisdom is having the awkward conversation to bring light to the darkness, even though resistance is great and denial is loud.
And she owns her expectations as being slightly unrealistic, hoping that others would be as passionate as she … though her intentions were honorable and her goal was good.
She sheds a few tears, alone, while she stands in the goodness of God.
Knowing He has a purpose.
A good purpose.
To confront the enemy.
To challenge the rut.
To confound “fine”.
One unspoken stress at a time.
One purpose at a time.
One heart at a time.
And though a piece of her heart breaks, she does not falter in knowing this is bigger – and more important – than her feelings.
She knows things unspoken and therefore never addressed have the potential to destroy.
And she wanted so much better than that for them.
But it was not to be. What has been will have to suffice as sweet memories, as today continues and tomorrow approaches.
And in the process, she does not lose heart.
Choosing to look up to God, just as Jesus does.
(Matthew 14:19; John 11:41, 17:1).
With the hope of possibility … not longing for what was.
Trusting His provision and purpose for the next chapter.
Knowing He has a good plan working.
Choosing to see God and lean into Him instead of trying to please and placate people.
Though the process has been messy and the outcome sad, she does not regret a moment. And she knows her cursed name is a small price to pay for God’s will to play out.
Though no one acknowledges God’s grace in action, she wrestled to put grace ahead of her feelings and move forward.
Because truth can cost.
But we must be willing to pay the price.
Knowing God is at work.
And she has learned a lot.
About her expectation.
About her relationships.
And she sees how far she has come.
Yet she also sees where God is calling her to improve.
So, the pain becomes part of the testimony that God is writing. And just as He promised, He is the “God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) by providing His grace and His strength (2 Corinthians 12:9).
So, she does not lost heart, knowing she is drawing closer to the heart of God.
Marie Fremin. 12/29/19 and 1/11/20.