I watched chaos ensue in every area of my life this week. And I mean every area. Nothing was left untouched.
So I should have been toppling over the edge of sanity, with all but one or two toes fully ensconced in the stress and anxiety.
But I sit here and laugh – loudly and boldly – in the face of the enemy who tried to destroy my peace but failed miserably. And I laugh with a joy only God could provide – because I am full of “… the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding …” (Philippians 4:7).
Not wallowing in despair or sinking into depression.
Not shrinking back and shutting down.
Not worrying about endless negative possibilities that may never happen.
Because despite all the messy pieces, I know these things to be true:
God is in control.
God has a good plan.
God is working things out for our good.
And I held onto these things as I watched the chaos continue. Even as my women’s group disintegrated under the weight of not having a given meeting place and people’s high expectations. Even as I faced the last work week of a coworker whom we have not been able to replace – with my boss feeling mounting pressure to replace her and coming up empty and me trying to keep with my usual tasks while my work load increased. Even as my sister continued to have daily big seizures that panicked my mother and traumatized our family.
All events designed by the enemy.
To crush me – mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
To crucify my emotions and send me into a tailspin of stress, negativity, and desperation.
To curtail the good work God has been doing in me.
To cheat me out of the grace and blessing God had for me this week.
But I refused to flinch when he applied pressure.
I refused to focus on all the “what if’s” he whispered in my ear.
I refused to unfurl the emotions he tried to plant in my mind and heart.
I refused to follow the dark and deadly path he tried to lead me down.
I refused to fellowship with the stress and chaos he kept in my path.
Because I trust God has a purpose and He is working out that purpose. He asked me to step out, but He did not promise it would work out exactly as I expected it to. It was a great learning experience for the next time I step out of the boat. Through medical intervention unplanned by us but orchestrated by God, we were able to find out what was causing my sister’s ongoing issues and start immediate corrective measures. As for work, I will do as much as I can each day and get the most important things done. We will manage, maybe a little awkwardly, for a little while. But we will manage and get things done.
So when I realized how I focused on God instead of the crashing waves of my week, I thanked Him for the grace to maintain my victory. And then I laughed at the enemy who lost yet another battle in his quest for control.
How have you responded to his attacks this week? Can you laugh at him with me?
Marie Fremin. 10/13/18.