I feel like God is speaking to me and trying to break my hard heart. If I am being honest, there is a wall around at least part of my heart, and in my truest faith moments, it bothers me greatly.
Don’t we all have at least part of a wall somewhere in our heart? A wall gives us the illusion of security and safety for our hurt feelings, mangled words, and misunderstood intentions. It makes us feel protected from accusations untrue and words misspoken.
But our walls don’t always serve the purpose we erected them for. They trap us in our bad attitudes, our wrong ideologies, our anger, our judgments, and our unhappiness.
Walls don’t work. Because walls don’t promote life.
Walls are our attempt to keep people away from us because they may hurt us, judge us, or call us out. Walls give us the appearance of being safe and secure from all the evils of the world, but they really only serve one purpose – to serve our purposes. To prove we are tough enough, strong enough, and smart enough to figure it out. To handle it on our own. To be our own champion.
But walls don’t work. Because walls deceive us into believing we are enough, that we don’t need people and even God to help us get through each day.
Boundaries are beautiful – and necessary. They set limits on our time, energy, focus, vision, and emotions. They keep us walking in the right direction while reaching out to people. They allow people in. They allow you to go outside yourself. All the while setting a “safety zone” to stay within God-ordained parameters.
But walls do the opposite. Walls keep us trapped in our own world, our own thoughts, and our own judgments. Walls keep us from seeing the truth, dealing with people, and making necessary changes. Walls don’t allow for healthy relationships, joyful living, or a thriving and abundant love walk. Walls block out love and joy and peace from entering our lives and penetrating our hearts. Walls deflect grace from coming in and going out.
So walls don’t work.
And then I have to get really honest and admit I several thick walls up right now. And I think God has been knocking on my walls, asking me to see them and start to knock them down. And I have been reluctant. I have been stubborn. I have been self-righteous.
I actually spent a few minutes today writing out my declaration of wrongs against a coworker. I started the letter to document the injustices and hurt feelings, hoping for a little relief from the thoughts that bombard me and a big change for the tension that envelops my office. I rehearsed what I was going to write and edited it as I went. So when I had a few minutes before the movie today, I started to write. And then “War Room” started, and what I was going to say doesn’t need to be said anymore.
God bless Ms. Clara and her prayers. God bless her faithfulness. God bless her tenacious outspokenness for sharing truth.
She reminded me that it’s not my job to change people. It’s not my responsibility to keep a list of wrongs. It’s not a good thing to argue and be argumentative.
It’s my job to fight the right way – to pray – and let God fight the battle for me. It’s my job to pray for the change I want to see. It’s my job to trust God to right the wrongs and deal with people.
And after crying through most of the movie, I admit that God succeeded in breaking my heart. I feel a big crack in my walls. And I am hopeful that tomorrow I can go in and face the day – and the difficulties – with a new perspective.
It has long been my prayer and my heart’s desire to see people as God sees them. As beautifully and wonderfully created people with His purpose on their lives. As His poetry, written in fleshly form for the world to glorify Him. As His precious child, loved so deeply and perfectly by Him.
But it’s hard. And the walls stop such truth from fully penetrating – and being expressed. For how can we love the world without exception when we can’t go beyond our walls? How can we be the hands and feet of Jesus, readily available to His calling, when we can’t see beyond our hurts? How can we bless people beyond measure when we can’t live beyond our anger?
Thank God for another day – which is another opportunity to get it right and to be better. To live bolder. To act faster. To serve wholeheartedly. To give more. To love unconditionally. To respond slower. To pray quicker.
So after seeing Ms. Clara and taking a lesson from her, I need to start praying for the change I want to see. I need to give all my issues, attitudes, and problems to God – and to let God be my champion. I need to step out of God’s way and let Him show me my walls – which don’t work – so we can deal with them together.
And as I do, since His promises are true, I will see change. And God will get the glory.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for allowing me to part of Your family. Thank You for the opportunity to walk with You and know You. Please show me the areas where I have walls that don’t work and help me to be bold enough to see them and surrender them to You. Help me to pray first and pray steadfastly for any problems in my life. Help me to live sold out and submitted wholeheartedly to You. In Jesus’ mighty and all powerful name. AMEN!
Marie Fremin, 10/4/15