It has been a hell of a week. And I mean hell. It feels like all the demons have gotten together and taken turns throwing fiery darts at me. Non-stop. All week.
I think if I look hard enough I will find bruises and scorch marks up and down my body.
I have mostly been tortured by crazy people. There is no lack of them these days. People who don’t pay their bills. People who lie. People who just want to complain. And once they emerge, they won’t go away.
In trying to deal with them, you find yourself making bad decisions. Not intentionally, of course. You are honestly trying to clarify and resolve the situation. You are trying to make it right. You are trying to figure out and explain what happened.
And before you know it you are dragged into the craziness and are drowning in frustration. Your good intentions have been misinterpreted and now you are the bad guy.
And it hurts.
I’ve had such a week. I’ve had people at work harass me about ongoing issues. I’ve had customers call and basically cuss me out. I’ve had customers dodging phone calls because they are trying to avoid paying. Complaints and craziness all around.
And all I could do tonight was laugh and confess what a lacking human being I am.
And I am.
But then I realize how good I have it. Why?
I know if I had gone through this week without a great Savior, I would be lost. I would probably have quit my job tonight without notice and without regret. I would probably be on the bathroom floor in body-shaking sobs because of all the emotional chaos. I may even have been tempted to do something drastic – because I didn’t have hope of a better tomorrow.
But through all my trials and tribulations, I have Him. And so I have HOPE.
And I kept coming back to this one thought: HOPE is a foundation of what Paul prayed in Ephesians 3:16-19: 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
I am rooted. I am sure He loves me. I am sure there is another chance coming. I am sure there is forgiveness.
And I am sure many lessons will be learned and better outcomes will occur next time.
I am sure – 100% absolutely confident – that my mess is not too wide or deep for grace or redemption.
I am sure that it is in my lack that His strength and wisdom shine through. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I am sure His love is greatest in my time of need. It abounds in patience and endurance. (1 Corinthians 13:7). And I am sure it definitely will never fail. (1 Corinthians 13:8a)
I am sure that though I feel downcast and hopeless that He is at work. I am sure that He is ordering things for my good and His glory. (Psalm 37:23; Romans 8:28)
- Though I am sinking, I am not sunk.
- Though I am down, I am not out.
- Though I am downtrodden, I am not in despair.
- Though I am wounded, I am not dead.
8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)
- From the ashes of all that has happened will arise a new and improved version of me.
- I will learn, and I will grow. I will choose to change and do better.
- I will forgive. I will let go of anger and hurts.
- I will apologize. I will acknowledge where I was wrong and accept responsibility.
And I will be sure that all of my problems have already been nailed to Calvary’s cross and redeemed by His saving innocent Blood.
And then I will rejoice in His goodness. Because I am His, I am held. I am loved. I am given another chance. Because I am rooted in His love, I have hope. AMEN!
Marie Fremin, 2/6/15